The UK economy grew by an extra 0.002% last months thanks mainly to the sales of consumer goods like mopeds and hammers while sales in luxury items such as mobile phones, Fist Aid kits and handbags also showed a healthy increase.
‘The recent growth has mostly been in London and the south east but we are already seeing moped sales increase in the Midlands and North West. They are particularly popular with young people who are no doubt enthused by that old Tory rallying cry…’get on your bike and look for work’…well, that’s something else the Tories can be proud of….getting gangs of youths off their backsides and onto bikes….all roaming the streets looking for work’.
Business Secretary Greg Clarke added that sales of kitchen utensils used to carve meat and make sandwiches was also up: ‘Get your money behind stab vests, that seems to be the next big growth market. They might look awkward and drab…but they seem to be the latest fashion accessory for the man about town….everybody in the city seems to be wearing them these days’.