The Mammal Society and Natural England study has revealed as many as 12 species may be facing a Hard Brexit – or ‘extinction’ as its technically known. It is likely that in the next year sightings of a pro-EU Conservative will become as rare as the grey long-eared bat – or ‘Michael Howard’ to his friends.
Factors such as political climate change and excessive use of David Davis, has meant a shrinking habitat for pro-EU Tories. One Minister warned that larger mammals such as Ken Clarke can expect to put out to pasture but smaller weasels like Anna Soubry are at risk of being crushed under-foot as Theresa May blithely runs through fields of wheat.
Too many newspapers have blamed immigrants, specifically: ‘Bloody grey squirrels, coming over here eating our nuts’. Yet despite this a spokeswoman for the Mammal Society remained optimistic: ‘As long as we have a Minister for the Environment who listens to experts, this whole unnatural disaster can be averted…oh…wait a minute…it’s Michael Gove isn’t it?’