Group of dearth: the one with England in it
Atmosphere in the England camp: An unobservable but crucial substance, with the capacity to animate pundits for an hour at a time. Typically very good for up to two weeks but known to dissolve and disintegrate in latter stages
‘The lad’s done tremendous there’: The player did a good thing.
‘The ball bobbled’: It was deflected by an imperfection on the pitch.
‘Everyone in the ground saw the foul except for the referee': There was no foul.
Golden boot: applied to the head by a Russian hooligans wearing spray painted converse shoes
‘We don’t want to just discuss the VAR decisions': This is all we’re going to discuss.
Simulation: Dirty cheating lying scumbag foreigners diving in the penalty area after the slightest touch in an effort to fool the ref into awarding a penalty
Entitled to go down: Dele Ali diving in the penalty area after the slightest touch in an effort to fool the ref into awarding a penalty
Penalty shoot-outs are a test of nerve: England have gone through on penalties
Penalty shoot-outs are just a lottery: England have gone out on penalties
The lad couldn’t manage to hit it with his favourite left foot: Glen Hoddle is an imbecile.
And there’s Prince Andrew in the crowd: Member of the Royal Family has blagged yet another freebie.
He’ll be disappointed with that: His team-mates are going to take the piss big-time after such a pitiful shot/cross/header/goalkeeping blunder
‘Incredible': credible; it was a footballer just doing his job.
‘Unbelievable': believable; it was a footballer just doing his job.
‘Taking his opportunity to use skills clearly honed in the favelas/on Copacabana beach/tough streets of Buenos Aries/in the shadow of the Kremlin/next to the shores of the Baltic Sea: commentator has clearly lost their background notes on unexpectedly good substitute player
‘Shades of Mexico 1970′: Brazilian player sweating up in tight fitting kit tries clever dummy round the keeper
‘Shades of Argentina 1978′: few pieces of ticker tape released in stadium before start of game
‘Shades of South Africa 2010′: Oh Christ, the Vuvuzela is back
‘Shades of grey': fan spotted wearing England away kit from Euro 1996
Round of 16: barmy army try to get some drinks in for the lads in a Moscow bar
‘Germany’ – winners of the 2018 World Cup
(hattips Chipchase, Rootin Tootin, Paul L, Riesler & Midfiled Diamond)