Goldilocks admits to further string of burglaries

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Following the break-in at a bear household by the  ‘choosy’ burglar, police profilers have identified several more crimes easily recognisable by her modus operandi.  One couple arrived home to find their house looking like a clothes shop changing room, while another reported their crate of best Cabernet Sauvignon stolen after someone conducted a prolonged wine-tasting session in the cellar.

Speaking on condition of anonymity to the media, Miss Locks admits to trying on twelve pairs of designer shoes in another house before deciding the Gucci were ‘just right’, although she tossed the Jimmy Choo in her bag too, just in case:  ‘I can never quite make up my mind about shoes’.

At another house where the absent owners had obligingly left three sets of car keys, she eventually settled for the medium-sized VW Golf GTI.  ‘I wouldn’t touch the pissy little Fiat 500, obviously’, she explained.  ‘I was tempted by the Audi A7 at first, but you can’t make a quick getaway from the fuzz when everyone thinks you’re a twat and makes a point of not letting you out at junctions”.

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Posted: Jun 16th, 2018 by

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