Despite claiming to have found another £20bn for the NHS in left over change from the DUP, the Prime Minister has drawn up a gift list involving socks, scented candles and an ironically titled ‘self-help’ guide. She has also booked a indoor children’s play area, so every medical practitioner can experience two hours in a warehouse, screaming at the top of their lungs, as they bounce off the walls – a typical working day, essentially.
Tax payers aggrieved to be paying for their own birthday gift, may also be wondering why they are only getting a £5 voucher after having put £100 in the pot – or how PFI shareholders got a PlayStation 4? Theresa May’s initial idea was for a ‘surprise’ 70th, the surprise being that after six years of Jeremy Hunt there still was an NHS.
Interestingly, the Government has decided to re-brand their legal responsibility to fund services as a ‘present’ . Which means Universal Credit will now be referred to as a ‘bounteous gift’, education funding as a ‘charitable donation’ and pensions as a ‘tip’.
Another potential ‘present’ had been three months of NHS free-parking – but that was calculated to be worth more than the £20bn. Mrs May’s bestowal will also have an accompanying card, entitled ‘Get Well Soon’.