‘Less need for clean underwear’ advises government, as road deaths drop

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With the rapid advances in computer braking, radar detection of pedestrians, and other road traffic accident reducing innovations, a government spokesman says clean underwear may be phased out as early as 2025.

“Every day, 60 million people in Britain needlessly put on clean drawers every morning and make it through the day without being mown down”, said Department of Transport spokesman, Pete Winfield. “The environmental cost of all this unnecessary washing is incalculable”.

Despite fierce opposition from the detergent industry, he insists clean undies may even be causing accidents by making pedestrians too confident about taking risks with traffic. “That skid mark could save your life”, he warned.

Meanwhile, Tesla has added a “ripe Y-fronts detection” feature to its latest model in order to avoid embarrassing the deceased’s loved ones “on those rare occasions” when one of their autonomous cars mistakes a crowd of pedestrians for a swarm of mosquitoes.

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Posted: Jun 19th, 2018 by

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