Outraged Greek heritage experts are sorting through a pile of rubble that was once the most celebrated sculpture of the ancient world. “Perfidious Albion is just a bad loser again”, said Ministry of Culture historian Yiannis Toskas today. “Sending the priceless friezes back via Basingstoke Global Delivery Solutions was just pure spite – even here in Athens we know that crowd couldn’t deliver a pizza into the next street without destroying it”.
The delivery driver was caught on CCTV pulling up outside the Parthenon and tossing the parcels out of the back of his Ford Transit, after which they rolled a hundred yards down the hill from the famous landmark. He then urinated against one of the famous Doric columns before driving away.
However, in a surprise twist, Basingstoke Global Delivery Solutions has revealed that the “Elgin Marbles” sent to Greece were actually a set of Eurovision-themed garden gnomes meant for Mrs Edith Thrippington, 74, of Tunbridge Wells. “Unfortunately”, explained a company spokesman, “Mrs Thrippington now has the Elgin marbles, and she insists on holding on to them”. Quite a few of the neighbours have complimented her on her new garden decorations, and have started a campaign to keep them in Tunbridge Wells. “This could take another 200 years to sort out”, he sighed.