Sergeant Pepper dating site upsets visitors


In a move that has disappointed some of its more traditional band members, Sergeant Pepper has launched his Lonely Hearts Club online as a dating site. The 50-year-old club has been a “late adopter” of modern technology, but “we have gone for it big-time”, says the Sergeant, “and the response has been overwhelming”, with 1,967 visitors signing up in the first hour alone.

However, Mr Kite, the band’s famous baritone trampoline player, complained that the website was “lurid” and “not in the spirit of the band. There are adverts offering premium rate chatlines with Lovely Rita, and I can tell you now that the picture does not depict the lady in her full uniform. And as for the ad that offers you 10,000 holes in Blackburn, I am disgusted.”

Other users complained that the advertising for Lucy In The Sky With Diamante Knickers and offering “a little help from your friends with benefits” was lewd. The ad beneath the banner “within you without you” is not fit to describe here.

In response, Sergeant Pepper, 64, admitted the site suffered from teething troubles but would be “getting better all the time”. The advertising was beyond the control of the site, he claimed, saying they were placed by Google, and he promised that “all holes would be fixed very soon”.


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Posted: Jun 24th, 2018 by

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