Once upon a time, there was a notorious shooting in Dallas. Everybody remembers where they were at the time. Everybody knows exactly what they were doing. It was an historic occasion.
But as well as the Who Shot JR? Drama, there was another infamous shooting in the Texas City. On November 22nd 1963, Lee Harvey Oswald, allegedly shot President John F Kennedy, firing from the Book Depository, where he was gainfully employed.
Careers Advisers have since conceded that it was the worse ever job appointment of all time, admitting that “proper checks were not carried out”. And one wonders how on earth Oswald managed to take a Carcano rifle into work that day without anyone asking, “what… the… fuck… have you got for lunch, Lee?”
Still, out of conspiracy and tragedy comes triumph. Enter the Grassy Knoll. Positioned above Kennedy and to his right, during the assassination, the small, sloping hill, has literally been punching above his weight for over half a century. He is now being inducted into the Rock and Hill Hall of Fame, having proved that you can make a mountain out of a Knoll hill.
“I am honoured to be up there with all the big boys, said the Grassy Knoll, “for a little guy to be as famous as the likes of Everest, K2 and Kilimanjaro is overwhelming. But this accolade will not change me. I wont get above myself…actually, I don`t need to”.
Meanwhile, Mayor of Dallas, Mike Rawlins, has blocked attempts by Greggs to open a store on the feted spot. Accusing the Bakery of trying to gain a vantage point to kill Americans, with “pastry cases, loaded with savoury fat and saturates thinly disguised as meat and vegetables”, he strangely omitted to mention McDonalds, KFC, Taco Bell, and all the other players who set a precedence for death by obesity.
The Chief Executive for Greggs could not resist issuing a statement, counter claiming:
“I`m just a pasty”.