The repetitive, marginal, boring, rewardless football match between England and Belgium spearheaded by a team of substitutes has no relevance to the current Brexit negotiations between Westminster and Brussels, Theresa May has insisted.
In a rare display of support for the Prime Minister, Eurosceptic backseat driver Jacob Rees-Mogg has reasserted that Brexiteers should derive inspiration from the rather less recent Battle of Britain and the British Empire.
‘Our national spirit is evidenced by an approved potted history comprising 1966, the extraordinary victories over Panama and Tunisia, the Empire and one or two highlights from the World Wars, and nothing else.’
‘But please ignore every defeat, penalty shoot-out, fluke, or victory that wasn’t a victory, like Dunkirk.’
At the time of going to press, this reporter was being hanged as a traitor.