Duchess of Cambridge to carry out next Texas execution

no job too big or small

The Duchess of Cambridge is to carry out the next US execution, pencilled in for early July, Buckingham Palace has confirmed.

The execution is part of a busy calendar for Kate, which has recently seen her opening the refurbished Bletchley Park, attend the Garter Day ceremony at Windsor Castle and spend a day at Royal Ascot.

It is yet to be confirmed whether the Duchess will be joined by Prince George for the occasion but palace insiders say it would be an ideal opportunity for the heir apparent to see how justice could be carried out in the UK under a future permanent Tory government, and perhaps to have a little toddle about.

No decision has been made yet as to who will receive the lethal injection from the Duchess. ‘Well, we want to show Texas justice at its finest,’ said a spokesman for the Texas Governor’s office. ‘So the most likely arrangement would be a homeless African-American male on a trumped-up but ultimately successful murder charge. ‘

Royal Doulton say they plan to mark the Royal occasion with a limited edition figurine of a mixed race man strapped to a chair, while a cheerful Duchess administers the chemical admixture that state prison medics are at least 45% sure will lead to a painless demise.

Next year it is hoped the Duchess will either open or attend every event in the world.

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Posted: Jun 30th, 2018 by

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