Cabinet close to consensus on biscuits as Chequers crunch talks loom


Mrs May has greeted the first signs of cabinet unity with enthusiasm announcing that the crucial elevenses biscuit decisions for Friday’s talks may be reached as ‘early as Thursday.’ With no fixed timetable for coffee breaks at the talk, and the seating plan in disarray – mainly as a result of unanimous refusal to sit next to Andrea Leadsom any agreement on biscuits could signal more general agreement

Mrs May said ‘I welcome these developments. Any agreement on Friday’s biscuit choice must be seen as a step in the right direction towards a Brexit decision that will shape British history for the next century. Of course there is passionate debate within cabinet. But in the end we will reach agreement and move swiftly on to initial talks about the lunch menu’.

One insider revealed that Nice, Bourbon and Garibaldi biscuits were all rejected as being ‘too European.’ A ‘livid’ Michael Gove is understood to have crushed a packet of Choco Liebnitz underfoot, claiming that such a biscuit choice would be ‘blatantly Teutonic.’ Boris Johnson has denied describing a savoury biscuit option as ‘fucking crackers’ and Liam Fox has denied trying to make a Gypsy Cream at his Battersea home.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2018 by

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