Fears grow that Ross Kemp may explode if England reach World Cup Final


Police have issued a warning to the public not to approach former EastEnders actor Ross Kemp in the event of England qualifying for the World Cup semi- final and beyond. The move comes after Kemp posted a video of himself celebrating England’s penalty shoot-out victory against Columbia in which the 53 year-old’s head appears to be dangerously close to blowing up.

‘It’s highly unusual that we have to issue this type of warning,’ says Assistant Police Commissioner Kevin Wiseman.

‘But anyone who saw Kemp’s video after the Columbia game will realise that any more excitement like Tuesday night could spell disaster for anyone in the vicinity. We ask that the public remain vigilant and report any sightings of Mr Kemp, particularly during the quarter final against Sweden on Saturday. If Ross is in a built-up area or public place when Harry Kane curls one into the top corner there could be serious casualties’.

The Fire Service has also expressed concern that if Kemp were to explode in a woodland area it could trigger fires which would be almost impossible to contain during the current heatwave.

‘If you see Kemp call 999 then back away to a secure location,’ says Wiseman. ‘An armed response unit will be on the scene within minutes and will take him down with tranquiliser darts. He will then be sedated for the duration of the tournament. Poor bastard’.

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Posted: Jul 4th, 2018 by

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