The Conservatives’ leaving party for Ministers Boris Johnson and David Davis ‘could not have gone any better’ said Prime Minister from the burnt out ruins of the venue this morning. ‘Everyone had a lovely time and the arrival of the fire brigade, the police and the ambulance services just go to show what popular ministers these two were, and just how many people wanted to come and wish them well.’
The so-called Brexit p*ss up started slowly as the wrong brewery had been named on the invitation. When they were finally ready to get the party started, it transpired there was no one to unlock the venue, no one to turn off the burglar alarm once they had broken in, so that nobody could be heard over the shouting and fighting. Theresa May tried to give a speech standing on a flimsy rotten podium, but it collapsed and fractured the fuse box underneath, with the result that the whole place caught fire. Nobody noticed as they were already distracted by Andrea Leadsom pulling the hair of Amber Rudd who was responding by biting her parliamentary colleague on the arm. Fists were flying between prominent Conservative Brexiteers and Remainers, with Jacob Rees-Mogg challenging Nicky Morgan to a duel with pistols at dawn. The entire building collapsed when Boris Johnson drove the Brexit bus through the wall, promising that this would guarantee the safety of the structure.
The fire had already spread to the Conservative party offices which was burnt to the ground although it is expected to continue functioning as normal. Theresa May said things could not be going any better. ‘At my casual Chequers away day, I asked my Conservative Ministers to break into small groups. I’m delighted that they have continued doing so ever since…’