Elon Musk claims exclusive rights to all future disaster victims

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Having been cheated out of the credit for the Thai cave rescue, the Tesla CEO has drawn up legal agreements to give him property rights over all victims of earthquakes, tsunamis and other disasters from now on. There are further plans afoot for the coming geothermal apocalypse expected in East Asia to be branded as the “Tesla Volcano¬© ”

The billionaire has warned that “misery piracy” by people who don’t run big tech companies is ruining competitive philanthropy for people like him and George Soros. “Photogenic victims are being snapped up by absolute nobodies”, he complained. “Proper handling of a natural disaster requires the sort of skill that can only be acquired by someone who has had to cope with situations where a self-drive car broadsides a 50-ton truck or bursts into flames in downtown LA”.

Meanwhile, regarding the incipient famine in Sudan, Mr Musk has warned Bill Gates: “Stay away, I saw it first!”

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Posted: Jul 20th, 2018 by

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