Middle urinals officially confirmed as ‘for emergencies only’


Male toilet-goers have welcomed confirmation from public toilet architects that any urinal which forces another man to stand directly beside you is to be used only in case of extreme emergencies.

The announcement comes on the heels of a government study that reveals a steady increase in awkward restroom related behaviour. ‘Look we’ve all been in that position, when your willy feels like it’s about to pop like a water balloon. If that’s the case no one will judge you. Otherwise, follow the rules and keep your distance, couldn’t be clearer than that,’ said Dave.

A left-handed urinater added, ‘it’s worse for us but no one seems to care. Nine times out of ten the guy next to you is right handed, and if he stands on your left there is a good chance the arm you use to hold your tackle will brush the arm he is holding his with. It’s a horrible, sex charged brush.’

It is thought the biggest perpetrators are simply unaware of the damage they cause. Some men find they become unable to go at all and are forced to pretend to be relieving themselves before bolting for a free cubicle when no one is watching.

Further guidelines recommend that tall men should retain their dignity by keeping all their business to a cubicle, while those with an enormous penis should ‘do the decent thing’ and ‘piss off somewhere else’.


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Posted: Jul 21st, 2018 by

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