People looking for love in their 60s and over now have an app catering for their specific needs. Available on Apple, Android and those phones with the really big buttons, Greyndr promises to help those in their autumn years find someone special, whether they want a companion to watch Midsomer Murders with, to visit stately homes and eat cream teas with, or just for frenzied but ultimately meaningless sexual coupling behind the bandstand in the park.
The app, which was formally launched at a gala event at Sandown, Isle of Wight, is said to work by matching people according to suitability. When they sign up, people are asked whether their preferred topic of conversation is:
1) Whether Easter is early or late this year
2) Her at number 43, who’s definitely no better than she ought to be
3) How that music young people listen to is just noise
4) How these new coins are so small, you can’t even see what they are
5) How this country just doesn’t look like England any more
6) All of the above
7) Sorry I didn’t quite catch that, my hearing isn’t what it used to be. I’m 71, you know
Already Mrs Jeanette Hobson of Shanklin, 62 but still has all her own teeth, has complained that she found certain aspects of the app patronising, particularly the help facility which consists of an increasingly frustrated voice saying: ‘Now press the button at the top… no, the top… no, that’s not the top, is it…? For God’s sake, you know what the word ‘top’ means. Never mind, just give it to me.’
In fact, Mrs Hobson was so outraged she intended to put together a petition to send to the manufacturers. However, every time she called on elderly friends to get them to sign it, she immediately forgot what she was there for, and later died of an overdose of madeira cake. Her husband of forty years, Dennis, 66, later told reporters that this was ‘absolutely bloody typical’, before being reminded that he had never met Mrs Hobson and that actually his wife is called Brenda and was out at Bridge Club.