The Prime Minister has opened a cage of flying monkeys and sent them to Europe to ‘sell Brexit’, giving them a wad of leaflets each. The monkeys have been told not to come home until they have delivered them all and not dumped them behind a hedge in Belgium.
This latest initiative follows a failed attempt to delight Europeans with an amiable but shambolic orang-utan called David, who struggled to peel a banana, and star attraction, Boris the albino gorilla. Dominic Talbot, a Cabinet zookeeper admitted, ‘Boris was particularly disappointing. He did nothing except wave his engorged sense of entitlement at the ladies and scratch his balls all day. He eventually needed rescuing from his tyre swing when we realised he didn’t know how to climb down.’
The monkeys were on strict instructions to be on their best behaviour after a baboon named Farage earlier shamed the UK by posting his faeces through every letterbox in the EU while gibbering like a loon. Mrs May has protested that Farage had in fact escaped from a travelling circus and had nothing to do with her government, but the EU are still sending her a cleaning bill for €39 billion.