Trump ‘still not out of the wouldn’ts’

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US security services have expressed their dismay that President Donald Trump is continuing to deny siding with Russia’s President Vladimir Putin with regard to Russian meddling in the 2016 election by claiming that he ‘mis-spoke’.

‘Mr Trump can’t see the wouldn’t for the trees,’ said Chuck Schumer, Democrat leader in the Senate, one of many who has come out of the wouldn’twork to criticise him. ‘Trump was expecting a medal for his meeting with Putin but all he deserved was a wouldn’t spoon. It was a classic Hollywouldn’t moment.’

Others were even more critical, saying the President should be ashamed of his failure to hold Putin accountable for Russia’s activities worldwide. When asked if he thought that Trump was lying, another Democrat said: ‘Do bears shit in the wouldn’ts?’

However, Trump continues to assert that mis-speaking is a problem from which he has suffered for many years. ‘When appearing on my phenomenally successful and wonderful, truly wonderful, TV smash hit The Apprentice, when I told each and every one of the contestants ‘You’re fired!’ I actually mis-spoke,’ he told reporters. ‘What I meant to say, of course, was ‘You’re not fired’. I now wish to apologise unreservedly to those whose career dreams have been destroyed as a result of my very genuine but totally understandable mistake. Bigly.’

Media lawyers have warned that Trump should still expect all of the 200 people he fired or not over the course of 14 series to sue him for multi million dollar sums in damages. Meanwhile ITV’s Piers Morgan is refusing to hand back the US Celebrity Apprentice title that he won in 2008. ‘I won that show fair and square and I can see no reason whatsoever why Mr Trump wouldn’t have been happy picking anyone else but me,’ he said.

Melania Trump added: ‘I’m sure this happens to lots of people from time to time. I mean, I mis-spoke at our wedding when I meant to say ‘I will not’.’

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Posted: Jul 27th, 2018 by

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