A man has apologised unreservedly for taking his wife’s guidance on what to buy her as an anniversary gift literally.
Julia Lewis, 45, was left bitterly disappointed and empty handed on the big day as husband Brian, 49, delivered 100% on her ‘Oh, I don’t want anything darling’ instruction issued the previous week.
Brian – who is widely respected as being painfully mild-mannered and eager not to offend anyone ever – realised he had somehow misunderstood the order, when Julia lovingly presented him with a full cooked breakfast adorned with helium floaty love-heart balloons, nipple tassles and exciting pants she got from AliExpress.
Brian admitted: ‘I just sat there totally confused, mouth open and wondering if a mad dash to the local Esso would rescue the situation,’ before continuing sheepishly. ‘It took Julia fully one hour to realise I wasn’t just teasing her, and I had in fact made cock-all effort in return – just as she had told me to.’
‘She asked for nothing and I gave her nothing. I feel just like Theresa May.’