“People who step over cliffs are far more likely to crash to the bottom, due to the ‘intransigence’ of gravity”, Liam Fox has claimed. The international trade secretary put the chances of falling from a cliff at “60-40” if you step over the edge, despite previously claiming that doing a deal with the force of gravity would be the “easiest thing in human history”.
The prominent Brexiter said he believed the risk of falling off a cliff had increased, pinning the blame on gravity and on the 17th century English mathematician, astronomer, theologian and physicist, Isaac Newton, who insisted that the universal law of gravity couldn’t possibly be changed just to suit Dr Fox and his fellow Brexiters.
“I think it’s the intransigence of gravity’s negotiator, Isaac Newton that’s pushing us towards the edge,” Fox told the Sunday Times. “We have set out the basis in which a deal can happen but if Newton decides that the theological obsession of an unelected scientific law is to take priority over the wishes of the people of the UK then it’s going to lead to a cliff fall, and there is going to be just one outcome.”
Fox insisted that Newton had dismissed the UK’s proposals for zero, intermittent or partial gravity in the Chequers plan, thrashed out by Theresa May and the cabinet simply because “we have never tried to defy gravity before”. Brexit-backing Tory MP John Redwood, drawing on his experience as a Vulcan, added “Getting out of the earth’s gravitational field can be quick and easy”, and former Brexit Secretary David Davis added: “Be under no doubt: we can do deals with gravity, and we can do them quickly, I think, but then I’m not too bright when it comes to scientific things, or anything else for that matter.” Boris Johnson muttered something about Icarus, followed by an uncharacteristic moment of silence, then “well, maybe not in this hot weather”.
The government has admitted its proposals are unprecedented, but Fox said Newton’s unchanging attitude “makes the chance of falling off a cliff even greater if we step over the edge”.
Asked why Fox was still leading the UK towards the cliff edge, knowing that the risk of falling was increasingly high, Fox replied “It’s the will of the people – we promised them we would defy gravity so we will, and I want to make it absolutely clear to the British public that the blame for any ensuing catastrophe lies entirely with gravity, Newton, Einstein, God, Brian Cox, Gary Lineker, indeed anyone, anyone but me.”