Parliament may ban ‘people who look like hayricks or heaps of straw’


Parliament has agreed to debate the issue of whether ‘people who look like disheveled hayricks or untidy heaps of straw’ should be banned when attending constituency surgeries, schools, or universities, or when working for individual businesses or branches of government. MPs have argued that some people find the appearances of these people intimidating, and they are sometimes just a bit whiffy, in a rural kind of way, especially if they haven’t showered after their morning jog.

Conservative MP Michael Fabricant, and entrepreneurs Tim Martin and Richard Branson have strongly objected, citing the rights of individuals to appear as they see fit, in accordance with the fake persona they have created to get noticed by the media, and to massage their inflated egos. Fans of Worzel Gummidge and the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz said perhaps there should be some exemptions for fictional comedy children’s characters.

Supporters of Boris Johnson, who wasn’t unavailable for comment, said “The debate is deeply offensive. Mr Johnson should be able to appear as he pleases, indeed he felt very intimidated last week when a gang of teenage boys wearing balaclavas tried to set fire to him in an attempted agricultural arson attack. Mr Johnson blames irresponsible politicians for their dog-whistle comments deliberately targeting scruffy, overprivileged, narcissistic, sneering toffs.”


Mother, with hat tip to nickb

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Posted: Aug 8th, 2018 by

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