He has been labelled a stupid cnut, a self-obsessed cnut, a conniving cunt and an ambitious cnut. Now Conservative grandees are bracing themselves to decide by secret committee exactly what kind of cnut is attempting to hi-jack their party.
‘The dim, clumsy stupid uninformed tactless cnut persona seems to have faded,’ one high profile Conservative said. ‘Now many people are buying into the vicious dangerous sinister Trump-sucking cnut theory. No question he’s the kind of cnut that likes attention, but the cnut behind that cnut is a secretive nasty scheming cnut. And that’s Boris for you. His cnutiness is multifaceted. Three dimensional. He’s much much more than a massive racist power-hungry cnut.’
The investigating committee will meet in camera and consist of three cabinet ministers and a consultant gynecologist. Observers say there’s a danger that the committee may be unable to come to a decision, leaving conservative members with the prospect of a no-deal outcome, and some have gone as far as to say that ‘crashing out’ of the negotiation would actually be desirable. ‘He’s a cnut, plain and simple,’ said one Tory. ‘Now let’s get on with the more pressing business of f$cking up the country for years to come.’