Hopeful respondents to a Nigerian bank official who has fortuitously managed to acquire 10 million US dollars and needs urgently to solicit your esteemed help to transfer it into a foreign account in return for which you will get a 40% share, is unfortunately out of the office for the next three weeks, as he is following up on a few new opportunities that have come into his inbox recently, it has been revealed.
‘Mr Alex Kwamo is now out of the office until September 1st’, disappointed respondents were told today in an automatically generated email by the branch manager, who is 37 and married with three children, my dear friend.
‘May God almighty forgive me for contacting you without permission, and for saying that mine is a stressful job, sending out 10 million emails each day to which only a handful of people reply’, said Kwamo in a suprisingly frank out-of-office message.
‘I’m going offline for a while. Do something useful’, continued Kwamo. ‘I definitely want to try and reduce my blood pressure using medications that have been recalled by Health authorities, as well as trying out some revolutionary new anti-aging products that my friend Laura from Daily Health Digest helpfully tells me about in an email at least 10 times every day.’
‘I also have ongoing concerns about nasty skin tags and moles, something literally hundreds of leading dermatologists have warned me about’, noted Kwamo.
‘I could also really do with spending some time trying to find out which everyday ingredient it is that I’m eating that is causing my erectile dysfunction. Everyone of my email contacts seems to know what it is, but they’re seemingly too shy to say it in writing. Hopefully, I’ll have the time on my leave to click through on the useful links they’ve sent me and find out’.
‘And while I’m at it, I’ll try and find out what the hell ketos are for you all’, concluded Kwamo.