Carragher signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Chewits

Jamie

Football pundit and all-round gentleman Jamie Carragher has announced a major sponsorship deal with iconic chewy sweet brand Chewits, as the new football season seems to have finally started at long last.

Carragher commented: “It’s foochin great laaa. Ah foochin luv Chewits laaa, foochin phlegm-tastic maaaaytt!!”.

An interpreter explained: “Mr Carragher is absolutely delighted with the deal. Chewits generates an extraordinary amount of salivation which is ideal for Jay’s signature grochling technique.”

It’s understood Carragher has trademarked the iconic ‘drive by big greener in your face’ manoeuvre, which requires exquisite poise and timing to land a howker right on target, whilst over reacting to mild insults in a moving Range Rover Vogue.

Chewits already has a deal in place with Dutch legend Frank Rijkaard, a clinical close-range gobber famous for firing a ‘volley into Voller’ at the 1990 World Cup.

Pundits are understood to be enthusiastic about the strengthened Chewits team, with ex-pro hardman turned TV comedian Roy Keane commenting: “Carra adds long range sniping abilities to Frank’s quick fire behind your back cover. They could use my Santa beard for target practice.”

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Posted: Aug 12th, 2018 by

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