Apple has won the race to become the first trillion dollar company as individual shares careered through the $207.05 barrier, beating rivals Google and Facebook to the coveted post.
Apple’s success, say some, is due to a genius strategy of re-inventing the wheel. To date, there have been 18 different versions of the iphone that no one really needs. Expertly creating phoney money and fake wealth, while using low labour costs in oppressive China sweat factories has been hailed as a blueprint for business success.
Accolades have stalled following rumours that CEO, Tim Cook had been seen taking possession of a jiffy bag said to contain performance enhancing items. The tech giant’s cash pile now makes it richer than 141 Countries, approximately the same amount where it does not pay due corporation tax.
Cook has moved swiftly to claim therapeutic exemption usage, saying that not paying tax is crucial towards sustaining company health. Indeed, he added that he feels much better for it, himself.
Moreover the so called clandestine relocation of key operations to Jersey was not intended to deceive since the news was widely reported in the media, with extensive coverage appearing in the Paradise Papers. Dismissing calls to produce a medical note from a qualified practitioner, Cook laughingly reminded Journalists that:
“An apple a day keeps the Doctor away…do you not know that?”