A Daventry dad was expected to make a full recovery, after being laughed out of River Island for asking if they had any jeans in a ‘more generous cut’, it was revealed today. 45 year old dad of 3, Ian McBride, had found himself in the menswear section of the store after wandering off absent mindedly whilst his 13 year old daughter was trying on clothes in the girls section downstairs.
‘Bit tight round the girth, these ones’, said McBride gasping to a puzzled sales assistant, after struggling into a pair of super-skinny-cut 34-waist black jeans. ’Not much breathability to be honest , although they’ll keep the boys in the barracks for sure’, continued McBride, hitching them up around his crotch.
‘I think there’s some material missing in the leg though – they only go down just past the knee. Could you pass me a more flared pair?’, continued McBride. ‘And while you’re there, I can’t see any stonewashed jeans either, or chinos with an elasticated waist – have you sold out?’
Whilst politely escorting McBride from the premises the sales assistant explained that all cuts of jeans in the world had now been relabelled as some variant of skinny, with the exception of Marks and Spencer who still offered a ‘straight, high cut’ for the deeply unfashionable, and Simon Cowell.
‘Come back next Spring though, and your boot cut will be undoubtedly be back on trend, although we’ll still look at you like some ancient relic from Victorian times’, noted the teenage sales assistant. ‘Heads up too – our boot cut will be called ‘anti-fit’ or something post-modern like that and it will still cut your circulation off’.