‘We could still rip your throat out’ warn dogs

Dogs

A pair of cute looking dogs have warned people that despite looking like a couple of over preening drag queens they could still rip your throat out.

‘It’s just so you know how things stand between us’ warned 3 year old Betsy Puppycups, sitting alongside brother Bruhilda Butterball. ‘We didn’t choose this look, you did. Back home in the wild we would be covered in excrement and grime… not ribbons. You did this to us.’

‘We come from Tibet…life doesn’t get anymore demanding than that….we are related to Wolves and have evolved over thousands of years….we eat rats and cockroaches….not free range chicken breast and prime cured ham. These teeth are real, they are for ripping flesh.’

‘And don’t think we haven’t been tempted….we are just inches away from your jugular when you cuddle us and make those stupid ‘doggy’ noises. Just a quick lunge and we could sink our teeth into your throat…depending on how the mood takes us we could either go for the trachea…meaning you would die from lack of oxygen…or go for the carotid arteries…meaning you bleed to death….slowly. Either way, you’re dead and we still look cute.’

‘Nobody is going to think it was us… they’ll be looking for a knife wielding maniac…probably blame the neighbour or husband or something. But for now we’ll put up with the ribbons and the stupid noises and the gut wrenching names you give us. The trade offs make it just about bearable. But you are on borrowed time.’

‘OK….now where’s that squeaky tennis ball…..the one with the sequins and flashing lights?’

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Posted: Aug 18th, 2018 by

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