A mother has bought her teenage son a Nike balaclava to prevent him getting a head cold when he goes out stabbing.
Melissa Hargreaves became concerned for her 16 year-old son’s welfare after he contracted a series of colds last winter while out terrorising the neighbourhood with his fellow gang members. ‘Keith’s been prone to chills ever since he was a toddler’ says Melissa. ‘After the Beast from the East last winter I got fed up telling him to put on a warm hat and mittens before he went out to fight rival gangs and intimidate the pensioners around the estate’.
‘So when I saw the Nike balaclava on sale I got him one for his birthday. He loves it so much he’s been wearing it all summer, even during the heatwave. I’ve bought him the matching stab vest and told him not to wear it until the winter or he won’t feel the benefit, of course he doesn’t listen. I said ‘don’t come running to me if you come home one night with a chesty cough”.
‘But he just laughed and told me to f**k off. Cheeky monkey’.