The Prime Minister stunned a group of unsuspecting South African children, with physical contortions that were either the death knell of contemporary dance, the mating ritual of hippopotamus or a cry for help. Many of the school children, traumatised by the event, were offered counselling or cyanide capsules, to deal with what they had seen.
This unprovoked attack, during her three-day visit to Africa, is being seen as at best an act of war or, at worst, an audition tape for next year’s Strictly Come Dancing. UN Human Rights observers have likened Mrs May’s performance to various genocides or ‘something that James Corden might have done’.
Going the full MayBot, the Prime Minister unleashed a series of dance moves that defied explanation, the laws of physics and basic health & safety protocol. Shimmying like a Tasered buzzard, Mrs May made Africa now see that Colonialism was only the second worst thing the UK has ever done.
However one body language expert has suggested that Mrs May was sending subliminal messages through the medium of contemporary movement: ‘At first I thought she was saying – ‘Help I’m trapped in a mineshaft’, but on closer inspection the word wasn’t mineshaft, it was ‘Brexit’.’