As The Great British Bake Off returned to our screens last night news has emerged today that 97% of the country’s A&E Departments went into crisis mode, with waiting times for treatment stretching out to as long as seven hours in some cases.
Consultant Registrar, David Wilson, from Belfast’s Royal Victoria Hospital told us: ‘It was crazy. By nine o’clock we’d run out of seats in the waiting room as we were suddenly overrun by patients suffering from knife injuries, scalds and burns packing the place to the rafters. They had inflicted the injuries themselves after having been inspired by Bake Off.’
Ward Sister, Daphne Clements, commented: ‘We had one man who had become so excited that he never noticed he had cut off a finger and had baked it inside a coffee and walnut loaf cake. Luckily he brought the cake in so we managed to retrieve the finger and surgeons sewed it back on’
‘But,’ added Sister Clemence, ‘Paul Hollywood would have had something to say about the loaf cake. The man would definitely not have got through to next week. I tried a bit of it with a coffee when the rush had died down and it was really dry and quite bland.’
It’s understood that Health Minister Matt Hancock is to approach Channel Four insisting that, for the greater good of the NHS and country, the broadcaster pulls the remainder of the series from its schedules.
Meanwhile former Bake Off Judge, Mary Berry, looking extremely upbeat and cheerful on BBC Breakfast told Naga Munchetty: ‘Oh well, shit happens sometimes doesn’t it, dear?’