The people of Ireland are braced for the arrival of Donald Trump, with many likening it to the birth of Jedward. Historically Ireland has had more than its fair share of tragedies, but nothing can prepare the emerald isle for a meeting with the orange numbnut.
Many fear another Irish Diaspora, as people flee from ‘the big feckin eejit’. While others point out that when Oliver Cromwell forciably grabbed all the land, he did not turn everything into a golf resort.
The Pope is concerned he will need to apologise again for someone else’s widespread historical abuse. While President Trump has promised to bring his own brand of diplomacy to Ireland, declaring: ‘Troubles? Ill show you troubles’.
Irish citizens have said that it will be worse than Bono’s tax returns, worse than an intervention by the Nolans and worse than Ian Paisley Junior’s holiday snaps. Although, some have noted that things could be even worse. In the words of Sinead O’Connor, ‘Nothing compares 2 Mrs Brown’s Boys’.