Britain’s Oldest Woman still alive


Grace Catherine Jones, 111, from Worcestershire, has agreed to accept the position of Britain’s Oldest Woman, which was recently vacated by 113-year-old Olive Evelyn Boar of Felixstowe, Suffolk. ‘It’s a heavy responsibility and there’s a lot to learn’ said Grace ‘And I’ve never had a job like this before. But I’m very flattered that they accepted my application, gave me an interview, and that I was successful.’

Although she has issued no statement on the matter, it is understood that Olive retired from the post of Britain’s Oldest Woman a few days ago ‘for personal reasons’, finding it ‘too stressful’ and a strain on her health. ‘It’s a heavy responsibility’ said her great-great-great-great-great-grandson, Jason Martin, 36. ‘It seems very unfair to me that the job is usually awarded to someone who is quite elderly, sometimes frail and not always in the best of health.’

Meanwhile a row has broken out around Bob Weighton, who the age of 110 claims to be Britain’s oldest man. Apparently there are regular punch-ups between him and Alf Smith, also 110, who says that he wants the job. ‘Typical of these young boys today,’ said Grace ‘It’s about time they grew up a bit and stopped squabbling.’

However, here is an even bigger issue involving these men, revolving around the matter of sexual discrimination. There are, in fact, two conflicting debates. One group of campaigners are outraged by the fact that the title of ‘Britain’s Oldest Person’ is nearly always awarded to a woman, which, they claim ‘is a clear and blatant case of sexual discrimination’.

Another group assert that, although there is indeed discrimination, it is in fact the other way round. ‘Why are men nearly always allowed to be Britain’s Oldest Man when they are nowhere near as old or as experienced or as well-qualified as women holding the equivalent title?’ asked a spokes-um, person, I suppose. ‘And don’t let us even get started on the subject of Britain’s Oldest Trans-Gender Person.’

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Posted: Sep 4th, 2018 by

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