Normally seen as the underdog of the shoplifting league, plastic bags are celebrating reaching fourth place, just behind the long time ‘Big Three’ of razor blades, perfume and alcohol. A change in financial fortunes, following the 5p levy, has allowed the much maligned outfit to compete on a more level playing field, as well as in the oceans around the globe.
Recognising the increased value of the merchandise, thieves have now added them to their list of much sought-after items, with plastic bags for life now being fitted with security tags. Given that the levy is set for a 100% increase, from 5p to 10p, many pundits are backing plastic bags to challenge alcohol for top spot and the coveted title.
‘We are the Millwall of the shoplifting league,’ said an Asda carrier bag, before breaking into raucous song. ‘No-one likes us, we don’t care. We are plastic, super plastic, from, er, an ethylene cracker on Teesside. Well, no-one except shop lifters that is.’