Scientists have found traces of, what they believe to be, the world’s most cringe-worthy piece of televisual schmaltz. The main culprits are a choreographed missed cue by Tess Daly, a pun involving the offside-trap by Gary Lineker or Jo Coburn smiling to camera.
One archaeologist explained: ‘We first stumbled across traces of an ancient fatty deposit but that turned out to be Huw Edwards. For a long time we struggled to identify what was creating such a fetid stink but, in actual fact, it was anything involving Mel & Sue’.
The original concept for most of the BBC’s flagship programmes is said to have originated some 7,000 years ago, from a process of straining liquid sh$t through a sieve-like pot. The ‘cheese’ making process then requires a period to ferment with the lowest common denominator, at which point, it is ready to be copied by ITV.
‘A big slab of cheese, like Strictly Come Dancing, can sustain a family of four for a whole evening. But be wary if you are lactose or stupid intolerant. On the upside, we did find the answer to what’s blue, veiny and over-priced? It’s John Humphrys.’