Jamie Oliver targets prison inmates as a captive audience

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Following his capture of a burglar,  Jamie Oliver revealed the incident has now inspired him to start a new campaign to introduce a better standard of food in Britain’s prisons.  He told reporters: ‘It all came about when I was sitting on this guy’s head waiting for PC Plod to arrive. The geezer was proper distraught and told me as a hopeless recidivist he now feared that he’d be back inside within a few days, quite literally eating grey cold and lumpy tasteless porridge.’

‘Well in my book that’s bang out of order! Criminals would respond better to jail sentences if instead of these horrible slops they were given nice plates of my unctuous pasta, my spicy curries and delicately pan-fried sea bass at grub time.  So I’m in negotiations with Channel 4 for a new series that will see me and one of my mates visit prisons around the Mediterranean then go out for a free nosh and piss-up session at a nice Michelin starred restaurant nearby.’

‘Next day I’ll do some lame food sketch in the nick for the inmates, cooking a cheapo-cheapo version of what we had the previous night, make an impassioned plea to the Prison Governor to up his kitchen’s game then we’re outta there.  Wicked!  There will be a best-selling book to accompany the series too, so – bish-bash-bosh! – everyone’s a winner, but mostly me of course.  Pukka!’

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Posted: Sep 11th, 2018 by

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