Unspecified DNA in 20% of meat ‘vile’ complain consumers, between mouthfuls


‘First it was horse-meat; now this’, said disappointed customer, Chloe, while ravenously devouring a uniformly grey reconstituted kebab, ‘It’s really important to know about it.’

A spokesperson from the Food Standards Agency, who carried out the research, said:  ‘People have a right to know what revolting contaminants they are eating in their processed meat products, so they can make an informed choice to continue gorging on them anyway.’

,I can’t believe there is unidentified DNA in my meat’, said victim, Mark, rapaciously tucking into a ubiquitous curry.  ‘The industry should be forced to identify it, so we know the limits of our depravity.’

Disgruntled shopper Debbie, said:  ‘I was devastated to think that the so-called ‘beef’ in this homogenous lasagne ready-meal, which I’m wolfing down as we speak, actually contained pork.  I bought it, in good faith, so I could be aghast at eating meat from a whole menagerie of animals.’

‘Yeah, we listened to the concerns of customers after the horse-meat scandal’, said a Findus spokesman. ‘But then disregarded this when we realised that it made literally no difference to how much rank, tainted filth they eat, and started aggressively replacing even the nastiest cuts with cheaper alternatives.’

Tesco have responded to pressure to identify the source of their meat with a guarantee stating:  ‘As customers have come to expect, our meat is carefully pressure-hosed off the walls of certified suppliers at stables and zoos across the country for inclusion in all our products, whether vegetarian or vegan.’

Share this story...

Posted: Sep 11th, 2018 by

Click for more article by ..

Tagged: , , , , , ,

© 2021 NewsBiscuit | Powered by Deluxe Corporation | Stories (RSS) | T & C | Privacy | Disclaimer