City to hold street parties to celebrate tenth anniversary of Credit Crunch


‘We’ve decided to show how far we’ve come,’ said a merchant banker today pointing at the building in Canary Wharf where he used to have a desk.  ‘I now sit at a desk in that building,’ he said, pointing at an equally impressive tower thirty feet away.  Times have been hard for the merchant banker, though:  ‘For a couple of months I didn’t knew where the next Pilates lesson fees were coming from,’ he admitted.

‘Yes, a street party would be good, you know, just champagne and caviar, nothing fancy,’ said another banker.  ‘I almost forgot what a bonus looked like for almost two years,’ he admitted.

Not everything in banking has been as rosy. Mike lost his job during the crisis because he had been instrumental in institutionalising PPI payments into his staff directives.  ‘I made them all alter the paperwork, tick the boxes without permission, instructed them to lie through their back teeth.  It would still be going on today if we hadn’t been caught,’ he lamented.

Mike doesn’t have any hard feelings though.  ‘On day two of my dismissal I was head-hunted to head up a PPI mis-selling compensation operation.  I get my staff to alter paperwork, tick all the right boxes and lie through their back teeth to claim the compensation,’ he said today, arguing that a street party would be great.  ‘We could meet up with all the people who lost their jobs, homes and families where they now live,’ he said.

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Posted: Sep 12th, 2018 by

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