Journalists were shocked and baffled this morning as Boris Johnson yesterday failed to create an appalling news story. In a stunning no-news stunt of shocking audacity, Boris angered hundreds of journalists by cutting off their regular supply of headlines.
Tabloid hacks were trembling with cold turkey in the absence of sensation, outrage and sleaze. Boris himself was unavailable for comment. A close advisor said: ‘We’re not supposed to tell you where he is, but off the record, he’s taken to hiding in a cupboard with duck tape over his mouth.’