As hundreds of turbines stand motionless on the British landscape, the Department of Energy has defended its decision to build giant wind-producing plants nearby to make them energy-efficient.
‘Britain needs to generate 87 per cent more wind to keep the turbines running all the time’, explains Damien Byrdhill of the Department of Energy. ‘The solution is to build electricity generators powering huge fans the size of the Empire State Building’.
Strathrennie wind farm in Scotland will be kept running by a coal-fired power station blowing a deafening blast of air through the turbine blades from across the valley. Trees are already being removed from the area, ‘as they’ll only be blown down anyway’.
Meanwhile, the Corthen wind farm in Cornwall will be powered by a nuclear reactor situated in a nearby nature reserve which will blow a 150mph wind at it 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. ‘This is a groundbreaking advance’, a breathless Mr Byrdhill assured his audience at a recent press conference. ‘We’ll have the turbines running at an unprecedented 99.98 per cent efficiency. Artificial wind is a milestone in the history of green energy – provided you forget that it’s coming from a reactor we’re building with spare parts from Chernobyl’.
When confronted by a resident who complained his home will be in the path of this perpetual hurricane, Mr Byrdhill reacted angrily: ‘I’ll huff and I’ll puff and I’ll blow your house down!’