In an impassioned speech from the pokey confines of a nursing home, the ailing NHS hit out about her shocking treatment and labelled her 70th birthday celebrations as ‘a kick in the teeth’. ‘For 70 years I’ve been delivering a free point of care health service to millions of people and what do I get in return?’ lamented the decrepit health system. ‘A mention on the BBC and a few stale cakes made in a bake off.’
‘It’s all take, take, take these days. They roll up here, most of them obese and smoking like chimneys, and expect me to give them the latest in modern healthcare free of charge, and then two weeks later they’re in A&E with a headache! Did you hear what they laid on for North Korea when it was her 70th? She had street parades, ticker tape, banners. A proper do, it was’.
Sources said the NHS shuffled off to bed shortly after the interview, muttering: ‘They’ll miss me when I’m gone.’