The plan, codenamed Caper Time, will involve driving red, white and blue minis to the European Central Bank in Milan, filling them with gold bars and making an escape.
An early suggestion to sabotage Milan’s traffic lights to cause chaos was replaced with a plan just to let Italians drive the way they do anyway.
The whole plan will be masterminded by a dyed-in-the-wool crook currently serving time, though it’s not known which former Tory cabinet minister this will be.
STOP PRESS: All those involved in the caper have been arrested by Europol when the bus which was due to meet the minis and transport the gold back to Britain failed to turn up, as it was off the road having dodgy statistics painted on its side.
Meanwhile Michel Barnier said, with so much else going on in the world, he wished Brexiteers hadn’t ‘come in ‘ere, causing a fracas’. For his part, David Cameron said he regretted allowing the referendum in the first place, saying it was ‘only supposed to blow the bloody eurosceptics off’.