The two men named as suspects in the poisoning of Sergei Skripal and his daughter have claimed that they only visited the UK as tourists but won’t be back anytime soon because Salisbury Cathedral was ‘shit’.
‘Everyone told us you must go to Salisbury to look at the lovely cathedral. We flew all the way from Russia just to see it and when we got there it turns out to be just a big stone church with a spire and a clock. We were so disappointed we left the UK straight away without stopping to visit any other tourist spots or deliver a deadly nerve agent to the home of a former Russian spy’.
‘Also the £7.50 entry fee is too expensive for a couple of guys on the salary of a Russian military intelligence officer, which of course we’re not, but if we were it would be too expensive. You think maybe we are a couple of oligarchs FFS? One star’.