According to reliable sources, such as MI6, Baron Munchausen and Geppetto’s son, the deceased Labour leader was seen acting ‘suspiciously dead’ in the vicinity of a recent poison attack. Despite having alibi witnesses – like his coroner – Mr Foot is accused of spying for Russia and by implication having helped Jeremy Corbyn make ‘lefty jam’.
The very personification of a ‘sleeper agent’, Mr. Foot is alleged to have lain very still in Golders Green Crematorium since 2010. However, once contacted by his Moscow handlers, Mr. Foot set about terrorising the people of Salisbury with Marxist ideas, such as a national health service, free at the point of delivery.
While alive Mr. Foot was charged by ‘The Times’ for being a communist, fascist and wearer of donkey jackets. Although subsequent court cases proved Rupert Murdoch to have committed libel and to be a complete failure at recognising a duffle coat.
Three of the last ten Labour Leaders were known Soviet spies, while the others were simply Tories. Meanwhile, Salisbury remains a favourite haunt for fans of spires and espionage; said one MI6 operative: ‘The suspect may have been exposed to nerve agent, so keep on the look out for anyone with one Foot in the grave’.