Man who faked death to cancel gym membership to be sentenced today.

fat man at gym

A penitent Lee Ormsby, 41, of Chingford expressed remorse in court and says he now accepts that “gym membership is for life and only God has the power to stop those direct debit payments of £120 a month plus locker fees”.

Mr Ormsby, who lives on kebabs and watches eight hours of TV a day, joined the Adonis Fitness Club in a moment of madness in 2012 without noticing the eternity clause in the small print. “We are committed to the muscle tone and body mass adjustment of our patrons”, explains Adonis spokesman Robert Jordan, “which is why we only allow them to leave in the event of the earth’s being wiped out by an asteroid”.

At first Mr Ormsby thought he had got out of it by moving to South America, but the gym easily tracked him down with GPS technology. Within a week he was being debited from his account in the Banco de Santa Cruz and receiving leaflets in his letter box about pool facilities available for just £24.99 extra per month.

He felt sure he had finally shaken them off when he torched his house and planted a body in it that he’d dug up from his local cemetery. However, a gym representative appeared at the post mortem and said, “Our instructors and trainers work to the highest standards. I can confirm that this is not an Adonis body, even though it’s been burnt to a crisp. The monthly payments will continue”.

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Posted: Sep 18th, 2018 by

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