A controversial revisionist historian has made the startling claim that a number of Germans seen near Stalingrad in 1942-3 were in fact “just tourists”, with no connection to any attacks on the city or its people that may have occurred around that time.
His claims were backed up by Obergruppenführer (a German term meaning “tourist guide”) Hans Schmidt, supreme commander of the 15th Panzerarmee (package holiday), who explained they’d only travelled there in tanks as VW Beetles might have got stuck in the snow.
“I think perhaps people misunderstand the term ‘Wermacht’ – it’s really just our equivalent of Thomas Cook.”
However, Russian authorities have drawn attention to another group of German “tourists” seen in the vicinity of Leningrad at around the same time, leading to most of its population starving to death.
“It’s one thing to bag all the bloody sun loungers before anyone else is even awake, but do they have to hog the buffet as well?”