Boris Johnson has been seen staring hard in front of him and wiggling his bottom, partially obscured by a bush. ‘It’s a classic sign that he is getting ready to pounce,’ say onlookers. ‘He’ll be absolutely silent, sometimes for up to a week, almost un-noticeable, with every inch of him coiled tightly in total readiness to leap into action.
One expert said ‘His prey is almost always female, and he’s very likely to either have sex with it if it’s a public school educated blond lass in PR from the provinces, or try to massacre it completely if it is Britain’s second female Prime Minister. Either way, he’ll do the necessary, then look round, rather pleased with himself, licking his lips. Or, if unsuccessful, slink quietly away into the bushes ready to try again after another long period of waiting and watching. He can keep up this kind of behaviour for years.’