As retailer Co-op raise the bar in the race to entice customers over the supermarket threshold by replacing plastic bags with compostable bags, Tesco has gone one huge leap further by offering every customer in a Birmingham store their own Kangaroo-for-life.
Store manager Keith Chisolm explains, ‘The incentive for shoppers to use the Co-op because of compostable bags gave our marketing team a blooming headache. We knew had to go a giant leap further, and when one of the graduate interns suggested we provide a marsupial to every customer to carry their shopping in its pouch, well, it was a no-brainier.’
‘We tested Wombats and Tasmanian Devils, they were rubbish, just about enough space in their pouches for a fun-size Mars bar. The first Koala we tried climbed the display stands with a Cillit Bang spray and got off its tits on the fumes. Wallabies are fictitious, so it had to be Kangaroos. We call them ‘Big-Bunny Bags-For-Life’.
‘Admittedly, a single Kangaroo can’t cope with a monthly big-shop, and if it’s already got a Joey in there we don’t advocate putting anything fragile in with it, you know what kids are like! Tins and solid jars should be ok, but no fruit and veg, they have no respect for ownership, they’ll just eat it.’
‘We’ve provided little water bowls around the store to emphasise our commitment to the welfare of the Big-Bunny Bags. To us they’re more than just massive utility pets, some kids ride on their backs around the store, others have been specially trained to push mobility trolleys, and all will pose for a quick selfie.’
‘The scheme isn’t cost-effective yet but should eventually pay for itself through repeat shopping trips. So far, seventy customers have accepted a Big-Bunny Bag and have to signed a waiver to say they’ll fully adopt the Roos and take them Boxercise classes at their local gym.’