C of E hopes “Congregation Clothing” will halt decline in church attendance

God Gear

‘Judaism and Islam are doing well partly because they have clothing their followers can wear,’ explained Church of England Communications Officer Jane Thomas. ‘The kippah and tichel, the hijab and burqa and so on. Well the C of E has never had anything for our followers to wear, until now and the launch of our Congregation Clothing range.’

The C of E branded “baseball style caps and hoodies” have been welcomed by those in the church who are anticipating the forthcoming report, Statistics for Mission, to reveal a further decline in church attendance; a symptom attributed to growing secularism and fewer people identifying with the Church of England.

However the more “Modern C of E look” has been blamed for an incident last Sunday where Police mistakenly moved on parishioners waiting outside St. Michael’s church in Lewes, after neighbours complained of a mob forming.

‘Regrettable. But, on the up-side – a Mr Turner panicked and confessed to embezzling the tombola money from the summer fete, so further proof God moves in mysterious ways,’ said Miss Thomas.

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Posted: Sep 26th, 2018 by

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