Buoyed by the success of her solo door-closing exploits, and inspired by hit TV series Bodyguard, Meghan Markle has decided to go the whole hog and re-train as a Close Protection Officer.
‘I really like guns’, said the former American, ‘and there are quite a lot of people in the family who need protecting. Often from their own utterances, but also from would-be assassins’.
There is no precedent for a member of the Royal Family acting as their own bodyguard, a move which has been criticised by the Assassins’ Union. ‘Yeah’, said a spokesman in silhouette, ‘it’s a conundrum. Suppose you get a clean shot on Meghan, right? But then she dives in front of the bullet, saving herself by sacrificing herself. Did you get a member of the royal family or just a bodyguard? Reputations are on the line here, this matters.’
Not to be outdone, several other members of the Royal Family are now understood to be taking advanced training in door closing techniques and there has been an unconfirmed report Prince Charles was spotted filling up his own car near Highgrove.